'I must be an acrobat, to talk like this and act like that...' -Actung Baby,U2
I am Jacob Bailey. I have been writing here for a while now. I am 27 years old, on the brink of moving to Spain. I love my wife and two beautiful children. Glad you stopped by - please let me know you were here by posting a comment.
leading with QUESTIONS
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
What I like about mosaic and collage:
These two similar forms of art declare a powerful truth - mainly that anything (even broken things often disreguarded or doomed to be thrown away) can be transformed and made beautiful if arranged in the right way.
The application is wide and open: the church, the Kingdom, spiritual formation, take your pick.
Jlb
Monday, September 29, 2003
Hey it works! I am kinda of slow...
It is a long story actually. I am scared of learning new things. I think it is relatated to my childhood relationship with my father. I need to do more thinking about this...
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
The coolest thing happened last night. My father-in-law is building me an office in the garage. We showed my neighbor the project and he got so excited that he came over (worked from 7pm to 9pm) and "taped" (which actually means: finished the sheet rock for texture application for those of us who are construction illiterate!) the whole thing. It totally blessed me - I just kept feeding him the cheep beer and he kept working. I was totally blessed! I let my neighbor bless me and I still haven't "shared the gospel with him." I think I am growing.
jlb
Sunday, September 28, 2003
God's grace reaches to me.
On Friday we did some gargage sale shopping. We banked some great deals. 3 cd's for 3 bucks (one of which was Counting Crows - August and Everything After - true story - I almost paid ten bucks for it last week.) a great vase for mosaics, and best of all a copy of Thomas A'Kempis' - Of the Imitation of Christ, copywright 1895! It's beautiful. The inside cover bore this inscription in perfect cursive:
---------------------------------------
To Christine .
" The Lord be over thee
To protect thee.
Under thee to support thee.
And with thee always
To comfort thee. "
Affectionately yours.
Lily Garrett.
Seattle. August 31, 1897
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Price = 50 cents
What a blessing, God's grace to me and Tania.
From the book:
"If thou knewest the whole Bible by heart, and the sayings of all the previous philosophers, whaat would it profit thee without the love of God and without grace?"
jlb
Thursday, September 25, 2003
I am excited today! Yes, filled with the deep sense of hope that beckons a full heart's response. Reading an essay online by Brian McLaren called Emerging Values--- http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2003/003/3.34.html
I pause in the middle of it and realize - yes Lord! - the things you have been doing in my life lately are true.
I feel the Shepherd's staff, I move, he moves me.
I feel the Shepherd's staff, I'm safe, he loves me.
I feel the Shepherd's staff, I'm not alone, he's with me.
Cool. The Lord is good, and his love endures forever.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
I started reading Mapping Postmodernism today. To soon to say any thing about the book...but as the author (Robert Greer) shared his story I began to indentify with what he was saying.
He says that the book "was born in the midst of...personal reflection as I stuggled to move from understanding to appreciation in the Christian life." And further "...this was a time when I discovered that though my faith was not strong, at least it was permanent."
From "understanding to appreciation" and "not strong" but "permenant." Something resonates with me in that. Moving from the world of ideas to the world of reality. A faith journey...I find myself somewhere similar.
Lord I open myself to you - lead me ever nearer to the "real" and out of the world of ideas. Help not to fear...
-jlb
Monday, September 22, 2003
I viewed Johnny Cash's "Hurt" video on johnnycashmusic.com again today. If you have not seen this I urge you to. If you watch it and are not moved by its powerful themes, then check your pulse. This thing reaches so deep. Wisdom spills out generously through Cash's withered voice and Trent Renzor's (Nine Inch Nails) vulnerable lyrics.
The thing is, I remember the song when Nine Inch Nails did it and to me then it just sounded sad. I guess when Johnny Cash sings it somehow he just puts it in the right context - it 's perfect. His life is laid out in the video and he is brutally honest about it. I think there is a lot about life to learn from it.
What a strange world we live in - when Cash rides on Nine Inch Nails to make a masterpiece. Who would have thought? Once again reality shaping up stranger that fiction. The question is: how do people today who live in such a strange world and find meaning, purpose, and a reason to go on living?
There must be Something lurking beyond the chaos we find ourselves existing in. There must Someone who cuts through the craziness.
'the light shines through the darkness'
-jlb
Sunday, September 21, 2003
I love the church. But I hate the Sunday Service.
All weekend I was priviledged to be a part of a relational event where we welcomed in people who are new to our church (or new to attending the sunday service rather). It was great. It was so different from what we did this morning. The two seem almost completely irrelated. I was wondering what people who experienced both we feeling.
We have created a monster in the traditional sunday morning service that we call church. It is less and less real for me. It is less and less meaningful. It's killing me and yet it's a slow death. Why don't we call the Sunday Service what it is...a strange semi-formal presentation on the subject of God...a meeting...a weekly rally...a solem assembly? It isn't church...as many times as we slap the name on our sign: __________ "Church" just isn't a church.
How do I see this so clearly and yet everyone around me seems to be missing it completely? What in the world do I do?
---stuck in both worlds--- jlb
Thursday, September 18, 2003
All set for a big event this weekend at the Church building. It is a new comer/welcoming/orientation sort of thing. It is my baby. But I am not that into it. But I am excited about the people stuff. I have a couple of friend from within our church that are coming to share their story with us Friday night.
Mike(one of them) came over today and I had him share his story with me. It was awesome. Here is a guy who had the hell beat out of him day after as a kid - all because his of his mother's twisted religion of earning pardon for heaven. Anyway somehow God has just not left Mike alone. He has emerged from deep within the drug culture to be a gentle, humble, man of God. It is refreshing to be close to him. His story oozes of grace that overcomes thick darkness and pain.
jlb
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
LIfe is crazy. It really is absurd. In some of my reading lately I have come across the statement "reality is stranger that fiction." Since it was pointed out to me - since my eyes have begun to look for it - it really has felt true for me.
To live with little expectations or pre-mapped ideas...to enjoy life when Love shows up spontaniously...to shrug the shoulders and journey through life's dark and dull times...to quit trying to out guess God...to move towards absurd trust in his goodness...this is the stuff of life. This is more realistic today.
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The Gospel for today: A true story
I had 2 minutes to be out the door and on my way to work this morning when I had a thought. Today is a coffee day! I reached for the grinder but fumbled it. A black explosion of pre-ground beans soiled the shelf, the counter, the floor, my shirt and my pants. Sh**! No time to regrind, only time to change. No coffee today it'll have to be tea. Sorry wife for the mess on your mopped floor and washed pants - I gotta run! And oh yah...it spilled in the shelf too! Love yah -- kiss good by..."Have fun with the kids today! I'm sorry!
10:45am My wife drops in to work unannounced - "here's some coffee hun." She's holding 16 ounces of fresh brew.
Grace... for those who fumble stuff. Christ to me today.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Not much today...my thoughts are too disjointed.
I could post my best or post my worst, or post my in between. But still the real, the honest, the true wouldn't quite be seen.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
It is one of those days in Olympia/Lacey. It's grey, it's damp...it time for coffee. Actually tea. Trying to break the coffee death grip.
A warm drink what does it say? To desire it, to make it, to hold it, to smell it, to drink it, to feel it warm the body, to enjoy it deeply and slowly - salvation but for a few moments.
Really, I am lonely. Doing my "church" work but feeling hollow. Wanting to know others and be fully known. I wish old friends who are far away were closer.
Sometimes I struggle to know myself. What am I projecting? Why? Is there a real person inside? Is there a nice person inside? Lord help me love. Shake me from the self centered person that I am. Help me hear you in the moments that remain today. I am lost with out your love Oh Jesus. I am broken, ruined and hopeless without that hope. I feel you sustain me with the sustanence you know I need but not even with the sustanence I think I need. What if you know me better than I will ever know me? What if I can trust you even now?
Grace, for a failing leader. Grace, for flailing husband. Grace, for a selfish pig. Grace, for me. Thank you father.
Grace from our Father to you who read these ramblings...
~jlb
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Ok I am back. Yah I think prayer walking for me shouldn't be a once in a while occasion. I think I need to learn to prayer walk like I breathe. I don't think it needs to be a big deal - just natural, normal life for the Christ-follower. ----This tea is great: herbal licorice orange spice - sounds good doesn't it!
I spent time yesterday with our Thai/China team: Don Sappington, Dennis Pust, Randy Shaw, Duane Heller (my friend) and me. I think we will have good time together. I am looking forward to goofing off with Randy Shaw and talking about God. It is fun to be down here - I am enjoying it as a gift of some solitude from the Lord.
What a great morning. Blogging from Broadway Coffee & Tea Traders in Portland OR. IT is this great little place in the Rose Quarter (i think!). Anyway if I lived in this area in Portland I would be a regular here!. We are prayer walking this morning as training for our Thai/China trip. I don't know what I think about it - actually I am having trouble seeing prayer walking as anything different then how we should walk most of the time. With eyes open spiritually, attention to senses, listening for the different ways God is speaking to us through and about the city... then offering up a responsive prayer... I have got to go throw my tea bag out...
Monday, September 08, 2003
I am headed down to Portland today, with a good friend. We will be doing "training" at (CMA) Mosaic Church for our trip to Thailand/China in November. 3 pastors, one friend and one district leader! It should be fun. With all that's been going on with me sometimes I quesiton my motives in going on a Missionary Tour right now. But - God has done it and so I'll do my best to meet him there. My objective at the heart of this trip is really simply pilgrimage. He calls and I follow - but I don't understand or apprehend ahead of time for fear I'll miss him there. In that sense I am excited to see what God will do!
Can you feel the weather changing?
I can feel the weather changing. The sudden appearance of brightly withered leaves, the edge of coldness in the eveing air. I am comforted by it all somehow. There is something in the deep and subtle change of season that speaks and stirs me. I would be content to pace quiet forest paths today and listen to the voice of nature's maker. But instead I'll be confined to hear him in the mania of metro Portland.
Blessings to all you fellow travelers and children of the Father!
jlb
Thursday, September 04, 2003
I have been reading The Celtic Way of Evangelism by George G. Hunter. If what the author is saying about 4th and 5th century Celtic Christianity and mission is true - then wow! Why have never heard about this before?
~Lord I am not living it. I do not love my neighbor - I love myself. Me, me, me, me...it is all self focused. How can I escape? Break my heart for others...help me die. Jesus if my world has been crafted to only look out for me reshape it. It must not be all about me. It is about you and others. Take the lid off, open me up, release the person you desire~
A danger in thinking too much...in questioning everything...in feeling like I am gaining new perspecitive is this: spiraling inward to love myself more rather than spiralling outward to love God and others.
~Lord I count on your great grace today, but I am not satisfied with the state of my heart~
jlb
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
My trip to Thailand and China in November has been completely paid for!
I can't believe I am really going?
-JLB
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
The idea of journey has really been central to my thinking lately about the Christian faith. I have to admit that less than a year ago I used the word because it sounded cool...uh duh!
But I find myself more and more that looking at my own faith in Christ as a journey with Trust being the destination. This is such a freeing thought. I am challenged to no longer fight the ups and downs but rather to accept them as part of the journey. I am challenged to trust in every situation no matter what it feels like. Accepting my faith as a journey takes the pressure for maturity off. It also takes the reigns out my hands - I lose control. I let go and watch the journey unfold rather than dictate its direction. Why does this lead to trust? Maybe because it looks and feels totally absurd. Does the journey itself demand trust?
And so I journey on...just an ordinary day at the office. I'll attend the board meeting tonight - why fight it? Could God speak to me through it? Could I hear him in midst of "all in favor say I"? Lord this is where you have me - right here, right now. You're here, help me listen...
Monday, September 01, 2003
Just hangin' out here with Hannah. At the office on my day off - but that's OK. The sermon is over/the pressure is off. It went well although I stumbled around a bit toward the middle the Lord aloud me to finish with a bit of passion about restoring Christian community. Go to naclacey.org - click on pastor's corner - click on sermon archives - it should be available on audio some time in the next couple of days.
Today me and the family will join a few of the couples from our cell group to BBQ. We'll spend the rest of this afternoon at the beach.
Wow Hannah's diggin' through my old copies of Mars Hill Reviews You go girl! Shes gonna get a head start. Anyway thanks to those who were prayin for me. Especially to Jason - who made the trip out from Pullman and sat front row - thanks man! ( staytreedisfreed.blogspot.com ) The weather is perfect in Western Washington...
It's off to pick up some last minute groceries for this afternoon. May the Lord bless you today and may you know his love.
