new year's eve
It's new year's eve. It snowed yesterday. I was with my friend Mitch from 11:30pm to 4am this morning. He lost control of his truck in the snow. He totalled it and narrowly escaped getting really badly hurt. I was glad he called me. He needed a friend right then. After the ER released him we talked about life over denny's breakfast at 2am. Then I took him home. Tonight it's dinner with Nathan and April, two truggling prodigal's. Then it's new year celebration with close friends Jordand and Cindy from 8 to midnight.
Well life is moving right along at it normal breakneck speed. Trying to capture moments of it with my digital. I vow right here and now to post picture on my weblog some day soon. I like to dream that I am really good at taking pictures...but I think in reality I just get lucky. Anyway it is fun...to try...
- posted by Jacob B. @ 4:53 PM (0) comments

 
after glow
Life in the after glow of X-mas and family is sometimes hard. So much goes into just a few days together and then...it's over. Our family's celebration was great (with all of Tania's side of the family together).

All is quiet here. Just getting ready to go home for the day. Kept pretty busy at the church building today...can't wait to get home and mess with my new digital camera. What a giving father in law I have. Truly blessed. I could have never afforded a toy like this. Not on my salary. Some one up stairs cares. And I keep discovering the ways. Gotta run...

(if only I could post pictures this thing would be a photo gallery!!)
- posted by Jacob B. @ 4:37 PM (0) comments

 
Advant
Well, just wrapping things up here for some needed time off. Probably won't post unitl after Christmas. Happy Christmas to everyone...where would we all be without advant? Thank God for Jesus - litterally. WE would all be lost. Prodigal sons and daughters who never even knew it. Living in pig pens with no escape. Enjoy time with family and time reflecting on the meaning of Christmas - advant.
- posted by Jacob B. @ 4:18 PM (0) comments

 
quote from Wounded Healer
"When man is no longer able to look beyond his own death and relate himself to what extends beyond the time and space of his life, he loses his desire to create and the excitment of being human."
-- Henri Nouwen p.13
- posted by Jacob B. @ 9:49 AM (0) comments

 
Nouwen the great
Reading Nouwen's The Wounded Healer this morning. I am amazed with how he (back in 1972!) identified postmodernity and spoke so clearly about it so long ago! Wow! His discription of "nuclear man" really nails life today for so many - and like a prophet, Nouwen put his finger on it back then. He shares 3 insights about this emerging "nuclear man" (postmodern!) saying that he/she experiences life with historical dislocation, fragmented ideology, and a new search for imortality. I found myself really identifying with these themes, both in my own life and in the lives of those around me. Nouwen then points us (post modernists) toward Jesus as the mystic and revolutionist who can lead us powerfully into new ways of doing life. Wow! That's just chapter one - chapter two is called "Ministry for a rootless generation." Cool.


- posted by Jacob B. @ 9:35 AM (0) comments

 
Clearly I am obsessed...
No not really. Just taken. Just taken in by the story (the prodigal). Working through it you could say. Speaking of stories - walked out of the Return of the King last night - wow! Incredible! Fantastic! Muey Fantastico! Anyway yah! What an incredible story. What intimacy. I went away scratching my head to my wife, wondering...what does that mean? That a couple of loyal little hobbits find enough courage to conquer all odds and save the world? Why are we so attracted to this thing? What's the pull? Does this story stir our souls in a way that reminds who we are and what life is about? Does this story cause us to remember and be drawn to a real and living Being who is full of goodness and pure love? Why does it move us so?

And I owe it all my friend Jordan. He pulled my leg to get me to go. Jord - it was well worth it! The sun is setting early here in Washington as we approach the shortest day of our year. (I think) Just doing life the best way I know how today. Maybe today was a little improvement on yesterday, maybe tomorrow will be a little improvement on today. To all the fellow travelers and Christ followers - blessings. Grace and peace to you (Ever noticed how Paul opens and closes his letters almost every time with those words? I wonder what he valued?) in, because of, and through Jesus Christ.
- posted by Jacob B. @ 3:21 PM (0) comments

 
Luke 15:11-32
The issue was simple: God doesn’t mingle with dirt. At least that was what seemed clear to the Pharisees. They were the experts you know? They practically held degrees in Holiness. But when Jesus came on scene he made bold claims about who God was and who he was. And he did things only God could do. And the Pharisees had big problems – he didn’t follow the law as they knew it, as they lived it, and as they taught it to everyone. Worst of all he was hanging with filth and they were losing control. I mean he let the “sinners” come and listen to his teaching! He even made friends with them! He even interacted closely with them! He even went so far as to eat with them! The Pharisees days were numbered with this guy around and they knew it. Their identity was in jeopardy…and they were angry as any of us might be if we were them.

…So Jesus starts telling stories…with hungry sinners, faithful disciples, and these angry religious leaders – with all of these gathered round (right in the middle of the chaos) told one of the greatest stories ever to be told. It was a story about life. It was a story about a Father. By telling it, Jesus drew the curtain on God’s incredibly compassionate heart for both the ones that run from him and the ones who claim to live at home with him.

Jesus Describes of The Journey of the Younger Son

Leaving
As Jesus describes it, the journey of the younger son, starts with leaving. There are two parts to leaving. First the son says, “Father, I want all that you have for me now!” Or in other words, “Father, I wish you were dead.” Second, the son packs his bags and leaves for a distant land. In essence by taking these actions he is saying, “Father, to me you are dead.” Two thoughts flow out of this. To be the younger son is to say in your heart, or actions, or even out loud, “God I wish you were dead” and to ask for control of the very life he has given you. Second to be the younger son is to live as though God were dead. And to take control of the life he has given you.

Living
Jesus continues: The younger son’s journey takes him deep into the world. There are two things that the younger son does when he is living in the world: First he wastes everything he took from his Father on wild living. He’s out there all on his own, totally in control of his life and he has a stinkin’ good time. Blowing his money is easy, the rewards are instant and grand. And for a moment life is perfect. And wild living is just that – wild man! But soon even dad’s money comes to an end. Just when the money gets thin the world crushes in. He gets sacked by circumstance and things he has no power to control. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. First to worst in two verses. One minute he’s the life of the party the next he’s begging for a bite to eat. You’d think he would’ve hit the bottom? But no, not here, not yet. The second thing he does is settle. He settle for something so low it’s embarrassing. He feed’s pigs, a job he has to beg to get. And even then it get worse. He find’s himself living below the human dignity line – he envies the stupid pigs. He find himself living below the animal line. And still the world won’t give anything back. What the heck is he thinking? What is he doing. A couple of thought here: Living in a world where God is dead seems attractive, and it’s full of freedom – but it’s empty. This younger son could not control the forces that were greater than him. How was he to guess that a drought was coming? Jesus points out here that living apart from God and in the world is dangerous. You get robbed, the world takes and takes and when you need it most to give back to you it gives nothing. Like a real life slogan from living behind bars, in the world, “You’ve got nothin’ comin’.” To live the life of the younger son, apart from the Father, you’ve got nothin’ comin’! To live the life of the younger son, apart from you Father, you are forced to settle for less than what you were created for. You are forced dip down into the gutter and live below the human dignity line. Sad, sad story, but Jesus continues…



- posted by Jacob B. @ 12:51 PM (0) comments

 
hello
yep!

I am still on the way.....










...on my way to Him. Are you?
- posted by Jacob B. @ 4:10 PM (0) comments

 
Life of the Prodigal (luke 15)
This story isn’t about favoritism. It's not that God loves sinners and doesn't care about people who "have it all together." The Bible says we all run (all we like sheep have turned away, each to his own way…we all fall short). It is more like a bigger story about all of life and every man and woman who has ever lived. It is a parable so it illustrates a spiritual reality – we are all at some time, and often over and over again like the Prodigal. We take all the things in this life that our Heavenly Father has given us and we leave home and live as though he were dead.
Then our lucky streak runs out. And the world takes and takes and takes. And we try hard to scrape by but in the process sacrifice our dignity, we feed the pigs (or worse) to stay alive. We envy animals, who live better than we do. And we find ourselves with nothing – totally spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically wasted. And “we’ve got nothing coming.” And we realize how far we’ve slid. And we dream of a better place. And we craft our silly speeches and we head humbly for home. And surprize...we find ourselve tackled to the ground by a Father whose compassion cannot be contained.

Who is this God who gives, who waits, who celebrates? I fear I know him not...

- posted by Jacob B. @ 10:11 AM (0) comments

 
to post or not to post...
I give myself a C today as far as productivity at work goes. Hey I am excited that's up from two F's the last couple of days. No, I have really been struggling to find motivation to do my stuff here. It's like it is the last place I want to be. Really having trouble being true my time/space as given and determined by the Creator. Yes that's nothing new. Sanity is shakey at best. Yet isn't that ironic - it's OK to live kind of half sane today...everyone expects it and in a sense, as long as you are real about it, everyone allows space for it too. Wow! What a crazy world we live in...

I have faith, it's often small, but it is real. If you know me beyond this weblog I must in your mind seem off the chart. But hey these are just bit's and pieces of me...not really me, but not really not me either...

One thing that been getting at me in my meditation on the prodigal from Luke 15 is the spontaneous party thrower that God seems to be. I mean he ignores the prodigal's mentally crafted acceptance speech - it's like he's too excited to listen. Hah - that reminds me of my father-in-law! Wow, I have never thought about him as picturing the Father's heart...wow!
- posted by Jacob B. @ 3:59 PM (0) comments

 
my trip
Here is a link to my china trip presentation at NAC on Nov. 30. You will have to load the slide show (which takes a couple of minutes with a high speed connection) first (don't try it with a 56k, i don't recommend it) and then click on the listen now audio link. Then you can sit a back relax and click the through the slides as we walk through china together...
- posted by Jacob B. @ 11:13 AM (0) comments

 
warning: dangerous thoughts ahead...
I am in such a strange way lately. There is such a multiplicity of directions that my heart is pounding towards. To the left I find myself looking morbidly into the face of evil. Sin so close I can touch it, so self centered and empty I can taste it's bitterness on my tongue. It calls to me to mess with it. It promises it's reward here and now. Yet I resisit, recognizing all to well the stench of death. Yet it calls to me...

To the right a longing for real life - the only life I believe in. The Son - the Father - and the Spirit calling me deeper. Toward something I can't touch, I can't see but something I can know. As I look out and take my inner picture of the reality in which I am existing the only thing that makes sense, that is worth living for, that is worth dieing for, that is worth fighting for, is Love. IT is all I know. We are all a wreck, and on top of us is a world that wrecks us. And some have it far worse than than others. Nothing is fare, nothing is right. Nothing makes sense down here...

Those who live to please themselves contribute the horror, but (and this is my hope) those who live for LOVE are set free to change their world. God of Grace and Lord of Love scoop this wayward heart up out of the shit it likes to slumber in and create in me a new heart that knows your love and walks upright for your glory. Unhinder my life to speak your name, untie my hands to help the weak, free my mind to see you clearly, and let me live to push forward an army of torches who light fires in every dark forest and every back alley and undery every hidden evil place that needs to know your Love. Bring glory to your name... this i pray for the sake of your world, for the sake of your people...bring glory to your name, release your mighty winds from heaven. Blow upon this place...blow on me that I might forget myself. Blow on others who know your name...that they might lose their lives for your sake....bring glory to your name...let us worship you with purpose and tone of life rather than with words of empty promise...LEt us worship you with character and actions...rather than with songs...bring glory to your name oh Lord...blow on me today....replace my wayward two fucking sided heart with something true... Lord I know no other way....I want no other thing...I return to no one else but you...help me find my way home...I am on my way...
- posted by Jacob B. @ 10:35 AM (0) comments

 
Just thinking about new contexts for doing life. Stuggling to be fully shaped by the one I am in. Preparing to go home for the day...just doing life the only way I know how now. Scratching my head about the purpose driven life... it just all seems too something...I don't get it. Even the title doesn't sound appealing. Yet I really believe in some strange way it is going to be really good for our church here. We are moving in that direction and it just seems like this things will be good for our people...didn't I just say that? I appologize for rambling here...
- posted by Jacob B. @ 3:58 PM (0) comments

 
dream
My brother once told me to dream big...and so I dream...

...I dream about being part of a Kingdom movement in somewhere like Spain among global-youth culture-post-postmodern young people. I dream about seeing the church set free to worship in unique ways and disciple people dynamically through relationship…I dream about the “next” church expressing it self vitally, with authority and respectability, with integrity and authenticity in a changing and rapidly paced global world. I dream about a church where love (on the level of the Christ on the cross) emerges obviously as our chief value and is clearly, through our daily living and backwards actions, speaking loudly to the world we live in with both feet… I dream of a church that may not know where the book Deuteronomy is in the bible…but has The Story of Grace tattooed on their bodies and hearts! And I am restless in Washington….
- posted by Jacob B. @ 10:48 AM (0) comments

 
Life outside our happy little Turkey Day world...
I stumbled across this article. I thought life was bad enough for Ukrainian orphans...I had no idea it got only worse for those with Aids. Heres the link...

- posted by Jacob B. @ 9:15 AM (0) comments