in the east
I am attracted to a conversation taking place over at:

www.dwightfriesen.com

Go check it out under an entry called Emerging Orthodox v2.o and follow the comments link to alot of good stuff. It is all about the Eastern Orthodox expression of faith. With broad strokes and articulate (although sometimes inaccessable) language these guys are painting mysterious pictures of the inherent beauty of what is the Eastern Orthodox faith. Attractive, inviting...make me curious...
- posted by Jacob B. @ 9:18 AM (0) comments

 

Our new (little) car! Honey I shrunk the car (and painted it green!). This baby is waiting for us when we get to Spain in July.
- posted by Jacob B. @ 2:00 PM (1) comments

 
confessions on this side of Easter...
what do you do when the cross seems empty to you?
And the empty tomb doesn't mean anything doesn't do anything for you?
Why do I feel so unattached to these sacred symbols? Why do I feel guilty for saying so?
Who robbed me of their meaning? Should I call it up or let it lie?
Why have they been drained of all their supposed stirring power? Or am simply refusing to do the stirring?
Why do the words I preach, why does the "truth" I proclaim seem to leave me as quickly as I speak it? Why can others say yes to my words when even I inwardly say no?
What do I do when my Christian world falls apart quicker than I can keep it together? And what if I don't have the energy to care?
What does one do when all is lost?
What does one do when all staying power is surrendered to the centering forces of the world?
What do I do when the rain falling stops me in my tracks but my bible I must ignore?
What do I do when music fills my heart and mind but my Christian heritage lags and is even left or maybe lost behind?
What do I do when I don't care to be called a Christian anymore and especially identified with any part of that world? What do I do when the church creeps me out and the system I am a part of seems to spit me out?

All I know is that I want to spit it out...all the crap that's been fed me I want to get it out. All the bs. that's a part of me I want to cut it out. I see the beauty in the world around me and for so long they've tried to keep it out...I want all of it and more...I want join with it...and let it mold me and contribute to the harmony that is all of life spinning round me...
- posted by Jacob B. @ 2:02 PM (0) comments

 
notes from Doug
Doug and Ruthie were with Tania and in Chicago for the immersion weekend. They can both be seen in the videos linked by the previous post. Doug's thoughtful response is below. I vote with him saying "me too Doug!"
----------------------------------------------------------
Ruthie and I recently spent some time in Chicago with our partner organization, International Teams. During our time away, we were able to get a fresh perspective and draw fresh faith from what God is doing in our lives and in Rochester, MN. During our time, we had an “immersion experience” in Chicago. We spent the weekend in Lawndale, a pre-dominantly African-American community. The entire weekend we spent our time listening and learning; whether it was listening to the stories of oppression and racism from our African-American brothers and sisters, listening to our newfound homosexual friends share their story in the bars of “Boystown,” connecting with homeless people downtown, or spending time in a large Chicago mosque during prayer time and hearing the ‘call to prayer’ resonate within the conscious of “Christian” America. We concluded the weekend worshipping together in an African-American church.

What Ruthie and I learned together is that human beings are spring loaded- we are geared to pride- toward oppressing people on the basis of knowledge, race, sexual orientation, religion, and social status. What I saw and I realized in myself is how often I use the truth to justify myself rather than convict and humble me of my own sin and pride, how much fear has kept me from engaging homosexuals as people instead of some impersonal agenda to destroy the family, and I saw the effects of systemic injustice within housing, real estate, taxes, and education. Ruthie and I were challenged to the core. I think that our time in Chicago was a real spiritual awakening “to LOVE mercy to DO justice and to WALK humbly with our God,” (Micah 6:8). As we seek to join in God’s work here in Rochester we have a profound desire to see how reconciliation, humility, and leading as learners will open doors and pathways to healing for displaced-peoples and us as we find ourselves in this global village called Rochester, MN.
- posted by Jacob B. @ 1:13 PM (0) comments

 
response VIDEO
my video response to our weekend in Chicago is on line now at our other site. Go here to view the video in pieces. In some sense it captures alot of the "feelings" of the weekend which was amazing...I am still reeling for all the things I stumbled on to. Wow! See Doug's poem below...

Hoping to go to this conference before I leave: The Eyes of the Heart June 21-23.

------------------------------------------------

What if I could see beneath these faces?

I might see summer streets filled with double-dutch beat,
shoes shuffling, and laughter- maybe might see the resilient smile of a child,
hair braided with plastic beads and her Sunday best…
What if I could listen to their song?

“Were you there when they gentrified my Lord?
Were you there when they gentrified my Lord?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble,
tremble...”
Can I really hear beneath these cries?
Can I hear their Dream and still dare to see the stain of pride in me
creeping;
creeping into the corners of our white
picket homes- fences creeping inside our bones,
creeping into every system of power?

The city still speaks, God is in her midst and she will not be shaken!
Like a homeless soul weathered by indifference;
our human frailty sheltered like warm soup, bread and a bed to sleep in;
You did not have a home.
And the city groans, the city groans for her Lord:
the homosexual longing for the approval of his Father, alleyways aching for someone to hold them, the Muslim man wondering at Wonder?

“Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar!”

What would happen if I could really see-
beneath this greatness, beneath these faces, beneath the confusion and the moment?
Not beyond the moment itself, but within the moment; ache.
What if my vision were beyond
my horizon? If my reach were beyond
my grasp?

Beneath these dreams aches
a delicate light-
the still shine of raw music
you whisper vision
in me;
the power of the blood.
You are here
with me and all is
gone.

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

I am letting go, I am falling
Into this paschal mystery:

“How does the lion lay with the lamb and still be a lion?”

I am so confused but I love you so much.

by Doug Shepherd
- posted by Jacob B. @ 1:52 PM (0) comments

 
10/90
there's always too much to say, too much to think through, too much to see, too much to take in. Sometimes it's more than I can bear. Life is just so deep, so illusive, so other, so fluid. I try to grap it - take it - hold it - understand it - for just a moment, less then a second even, but even there it's gone...I almost have it...then just as I close my hand. Gone.

Like I wish I could sit here and paint a simplistic picture of where I am and what I am thinking. But it is so out of my reach - there's just too much going on "upstairs" and/or inside.

I am all over the place yet nowhere. Sometimes I fear that life is happening to me and I have absolutely no control over it. Like the tension between living from conscious versus subconscious is not 50/50 but 10/90 on a good day.

What am I doing and why? Where is my energy going and who cares? In what direction am I funneling my creativity and why? In the end does much of that matter anyway...?
- posted by Jacob B. @ 7:32 PM (0) comments

 
saturday's musings...over nada!
Me and the "Fam" are enjoying a nice lazy Saturday afternoon. I have been...well...not so lazy i guess. 75% of the editing for a short film about our trip to Chicago last week is done. I am really excited about it...it is like the best stuff I have ever worked on...should be fun to slap altogether in the end into a DVD. anway...

Still at IT in Elgin. I got a little stir crazy so I walked down here to the computer lab (while my own PC is processing date for render of piece numero 4). We have one more week which I don't think will be completely stimulating (language apptitued class) but Oh Well! WE have been making plenlty of friends...I know I came in cautious but we have met a number of (what i call) really great folks...I have been surprized...i hate how that sounds...but anything short of that would be lie. Anyway...I am an INFP on the meiers briggs so that means I am driven by my values - one of which is honesty I realize and authenticity I think...

weakside - my bluntness can really be rude...I am learning this...I knew already - but not as much as now...

blah, blah, blah...I, I, i, I hate that too! When it is all about me...when I make everything all about me life feels yuccckkk! That's another thing I am learning...I am very introspective - processing alot of life very intensly - very internally...that can be both a strength and weakness of my personality...but yet again...I keep talking about myself...I will shut up...now.
- posted by Jacob B. @ 12:48 PM (0) comments

 
4 days in Chicago
Spent four days in Chicago with ITeams folk. This was our "immersion" weekend. We met up with Mark Soderquist (and family) who live in Lawndale (one of the poorest communities in Chicago). The Soderquists have been living their among the primarily African American community for 15 years. They are serving the church down their and have paid some dues for racial reconcilliation. Our time with Mark was amazing. I sure hope his story surfaces somewhere soon (wink!).

The conclusions (in faith and practice) he has come to through listening to the prophetic voice of the African American community are hauntingly similiar to the whole of the "Emergent Conversation". THIS IS FACINATING. I look forward to staying connected to Mark personally. I can't say enough here. I am processing the whole thing through video - much of what I shot during our four days. Hopefully you'll find the link here when I am finished...

On a similiar note we connected on Friday night with Emmaus ministries. We spent some time in the gay community. One of the IT'ers and I ended up in Roscoes. This was amazing...Ruthie and I began a conversations with quite a few folks. My homophobia was taken by storm as the guy named Mark just totally help me understand his world. The experience undid alot of my "stereotypical assumptions" and absurd fears. I was exposed. This was awesome. We (the church) have much to learn from this community. We have much to forgive.
- posted by Jacob B. @ 3:41 PM (0) comments

 
last week...
Here is a video we put together from last week's training at IT. It's just so much fun...I just, I just can't stop!!

View here - BTW, once it downloads you might want to drop the size of your media player screen down to about 50% of full screen. The video quality will improve the smaller you make it.
Chris Warren shot all the clips and I edited them...there may be some "opportunities" within ITeams to do more of this kind of stuff - especially in Europe when that becomes home. That's exciting - I am talking to a guy within IT who wants to get possibly help get equipment together to do this kind of thing better...IT is also holding a conference on the use of video to tell story called "The Eyes of the Heart" I hope to be albe to attend. It happens just a week before we move to Spain..!
- posted by Jacob B. @ 5:55 PM (1) comments