10/90
there's always too much to say, too much to think through, too much to see, too much to take in. Sometimes it's more than I can bear. Life is just so deep, so illusive, so other, so fluid. I try to grap it - take it - hold it - understand it - for just a moment, less then a second even, but even there it's gone...I almost have it...then just as I close my hand. Gone.

Like I wish I could sit here and paint a simplistic picture of where I am and what I am thinking. But it is so out of my reach - there's just too much going on "upstairs" and/or inside.

I am all over the place yet nowhere. Sometimes I fear that life is happening to me and I have absolutely no control over it. Like the tension between living from conscious versus subconscious is not 50/50 but 10/90 on a good day.

What am I doing and why? Where is my energy going and who cares? In what direction am I funneling my creativity and why? In the end does much of that matter anyway...?
- posted by Jacob B. @ 7:32 PM