'I must be an acrobat, to talk like this and act like that...' -Actung Baby,U2
I am Jacob Bailey. I have been writing here for a while now. I am 27 years old, on the brink of moving to Spain. I love my wife and two beautiful children. Glad you stopped by - please let me know you were here by posting a comment.
leading with QUESTIONS
Thursday, April 29, 2004
to close the book for this week's blog...
Now to finish the week...(FYI - MCI sucks, dishonest suckers...I was supposed to be blogging from home by now, instead of distacting myself from my day job like I am doing now! (like it's there fault!?) )
Final thoughts before I venture home for the weekend (of 80 degree PNWest weather!).
I have nothing to say...except this.
I am happy. Joy prevades the sense of restlessness that has so dominated my heart's landscape. Not gonna guess why...but just embrace it for now...
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
painting from the pulpit
Preaching, speaking, talking, sharing, giving "the message" - all of these describe that evangelical "high" act of communicating from the pulpit. I have been thinking alot lately about how strange this thing is. This is probably because I have to do it. Not all the time. But more like once or twice every two months.
This kind of speaking has become my mode of art. Not as much by choice as by duty(job description). That's the only way I can do it. This is what the canvas looks like:
The time frame - between 30 -45 minutes
The medium - me, voice, guestures, words and the visual screen behind me, other audio
Tools - Bible, life experience, relationships, other's art work and pop culture
When creating messages I have nothing if I am not deeply inspired. So I search the scriptures stories for something new -- like chasing rabits or something...so I search my heart and feel the pulse of the world around me...so I think through what life might be like for those I am "speaking to". So I start painting with metaphors trying distill something of value to those who are listening...so then something emerges...not what I thought it would be when I started...but not worth discarding...
What a strange art form...I am due again at the beginning of June to paint something for everyone...to ask a good question and let people discover deep answers...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
God says love me...
heart, soul, strength, mind
heart, soul, strength, mind
everything, passion, ability, thoughts
everything, passion, ability, thoughts
center, imagination, body, brain
center, imagination, body, brain
deep, creative, physical, critical
deep, creative, physical, critical
Doesn't this change the rules? Or at least bend them?
I was looking at this picture I took of my son Kaleb playing in tall grass a couple of weeks ago, and I realized something...it makes me happy. I laugh out loud when i look at and the more I look at it. What joy life brings. I cannot deny it --- I look at my son and I see and hear God speak so clearly about life and love....the playful child, the expression of innocent joy...hiding with Dad...playing with dad...scaring dad...God help me to recover that pleasure with you....
Monday, April 26, 2004
"Go stand at the crossroads and look around.
Ask for directions to the old road...and take it."
Jeremiah 6:16 - Remix
like Thomas
click on this link to hear my message from last week. Once you get to the page just click on listen here under 4/18. Any feedback is welcome...
if we knew how
Tania and I were talking. IF we knew how I think we would go totally green and enviro-friendly. We discovered this co-op grocer in town that's really cool. Only problem -- the learning curve. In oder to live envro-friendly you have to learn a ton. Which products harm the earth? What will really help? What recipes do we need to have? How do you make that stuff? How do you turn your waste into a heatlthy garden? And on and on.
We realize we have lived and learned such a Costco lifestyle that emerging from that quick and easy world will take alot of work. From canned chili to what? Can we reject the consumer mantality - and live more eco-friendly? Why? It's not because we believe the animals and trees don't have a voice. It's because love you neighbor in a global village means conserve and not consume. If our "first world" habbits continue to infect the rest of the world we are all in danger. As followers of Christ and creatures entrusted to the care of creation by the creator - we must develop more world minded and heathly ways of living - our lifestyle must be layed down for the love others. do you see that being true - or is this wishful thinking? Fatalism or active salvation?
Thursday, April 22, 2004
bigger than I am
in pop culture image is everything, reality doesn't really count for much. I tend to talk (blog) bigger than I really am. What does that say about my ties to pop culture. I am just a product, doing what they want me do. Consumer # 1billion, three hundred fifty two million, seven hundred thirteen thousand and three. I am no one really. Who are you?
And Jesus says...my father watches the birds don't you think he'll look after you...and then he says...come and die.
a conversational post
Here is a window into a conversation with a friend (another CMA missionary candidate).
The following is some of my reply:
You asked "what you think we should do when our grip on... the modern-era designed church loosens"?
I can only speak from my experience and what I sense God doing in my own life. It really been something like an awakening. God has called my bluff. He has invited me out into real life, out from behind the church safety zone, out to be in the world. For me that means letting go of a lot of "stuff" I once thought was important (way of behaving, attitudes, and other things) to maintaining a good Christian faith. For me the modern/postmodern distinction has to do with a change in how the Christian faith (entirely - not just the church) is expressed today. This challenges me to cut the ropes and be "adrift" in the postmodern world (for a time). Trying to see though the eyes I was born with (the age I was born in) and take off the modern glasses that have been placed on me namely by the evangelical expression of faith I grew up in and now operate in. Mind you I can't do this fully serving where I am at (we're are still in Lacey WA). This challenges me to my core. The safe grid has been erased. I am in the "danger zone" but making subtle discoveries of new found faith as I go. It's weird, at times confusing, other times frustrating, other times fun. There plenty more but for lack of time I will quit here.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
the faster the faster...
Keep the pace, you need this
keep the pace, you have to have that
The faster these things move around me
the less I swear I know
the quicker that I spin the bottle
the more and more the darkside shows
Keep on reaching, keep on needing
keep on looking searching taking
keep your cool, keep your head
keep rushing keep on faking
like you have something or are someone
or can somehow prevent the shaking
keep on taking, keep on using
keep on track and keep abusing
till the daylights upon you
inertia's lost and its OK
Your still alive and not alone.
I have an online form of ADSD. I can't keep the title to this thing the same. Change, change, change! Actually there's a method to the madness, a real sense of evolution taking place here. The themes are really all the same even though theyre different.
Here's a look at the titles I have given this thing since I began it back in August 03:
This
Jacob B.
A shot in the dark
upshot today
doing life
fighting off the church infection
revelation for the revolution
my faith/doubt journey
dreaming in shades of grey
Looking at these together tells a story. Reminds me of the journey. A sense of restlessness prevades and that's ok. Season's are recognized by sudden moments of rapid change. I am waiting for spring in more ways than one.
Monday, April 19, 2004
that's a wrap!
So that's it. The sermon went down. I spoke on John 20:19-31 - the story of Thomas - and doubt. I basically tried to paint a picture of honest doubt as way that God can strengthen our faith. I used a central question rather than an exegitically extracted statement to shape the sermon. That was stretching for me - because I know there are those in the church who are not very comfortable with me doing that. But overall the response I got was very encouraging. Every time I am "in the pulpit" I experience both feeling of playful fun and complete dread at the same time. I can explain it any clearer than that. I am not scared of scewing up instead I am honestly afraid of the ways that "some" those faithful few, those guardians of doctrine may be thinking.
Anyway it goes without saying that creating space in Christ communities for people to express and engage their honest doubts is a must. As I expressed on Sunday "our faith must float" alongside every other claim to truth or meta-narrative that exists. We must let it be seen for what it is alongside prevailing idealogies and new ways of seeing reality. It's gamble, it's hard, it will necessarily refine the Christian faith, but the only other option I see would be to "duck and run for cover." I was not made to do the latter. I hope my message is a step for the community in the right direction.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
look right
I have linked a pitch on U2 by Stockman on the right under U2:Posers or Phrophets?
I think it is pretty helpful in seeing a "bigger" picture of the band.
There is one point in there story that I relate to most. It's feeling the heat and resisting the pressure of the right wing fundamentalists/evangelical machine trying to "own" me. Uuuhhh. I want to get out of there. Time will tell (this Sunday actually!) and reveal whether or not I bend to please them or Someone else.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
i am
so now I think I am obesiphobic! I don't know why...I just get the creeps around big people. Wal-Mart junkies...they're all fat. Thanks Uncle Walley! We owe you one. Oh yah, and I better give a shout out to Ronald McDonald. Thanks big red shoes! Thanks for appealing to our basic desires, thanks for the grease!
'jesus, jesus help me, I am alone in this word, and an f***** up world it is too'
I would change the words slightly to read:
'jesus, jesus help me, I am part of this world, and a f***** up world it is too'
I am not excluding my part in the system. I am wresteling with what to do about it.
Monday, April 12, 2004
sunday's script
I will be speaking Sunday. Oh the joys being "in the pulpit."
Something I am less and less comfortable doing. Yes, but what is comfort and why do I serve it so well? A question for another day.
Today's is this: Is doubt the friend or foe of faith?
This quote from Bono (I may use sunday) should show in which direction I am leaning.
"Belief and confusion are not mutually exclusive; I believe that belief gives you a direction in the confusion. But you don't see the full picture That's the point. That's what faith is. You can't see it. It comes back to instinct. Faith is just up the street. Faith and instinct, you can't just rely on them. You have to beat them up. You have to pummel them to make sure thay can withstand it, to make sure they can be trusted."
(by Bono, from Stockman's Walk On.)
uh huh!
Thursday, April 08, 2004
photo trip
digital photography has really drawn me in lately. As I have sworn before someday this journal will be interwoven with some of what I am seeing through my own camera. Until then we'll have to live vicariously through the eyes of others. Check out this link to the After Life.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
the haunting beauty of a rainbow
At once it's all so clear
And then so suddenly it disappears
What does it mean live beyond purple
To zoom out and see all the colors together?
What of red and blue and green
and what of all the shades between?
I see them all, but come from one
Now mixed, now stirred, now quite undone.
Monday, April 05, 2004
looking around
Looking around my office I notice the increasing number of books I have collected over the past 4 years. Many of these are "good books." At the same time I am thinking about how much I have read and at the same time forgotten. I'm feeling a bit used. I am feeling a bit manipulated, a bit controlled by my culture, a bit too distracted.
The books mock me. They display my very nature as "the total american consumer." What I (we) must look like from above? Busy little bee doing a whole lot of nothing fast. God save me(us), lead me(us) down that narrow path. Redeem this restlessness for your glory and the glory of your created world.
good monday morning!
As I sit here, I am heartbroken over the world. Leading news sources are carrying this story about Beckham and his alleged "text messages" to some woman he's been having an affair with (go to drudge report or bbc). We love to exploit people. This poor man - probably aches like us, feels lonely like us, wants to do the right thing as much a the next guy. Oh, but he's famous so we all need pry into his sh**. It's messed up because...
ALL OUR HEARTS ARE DARK!
ALL OUR HEARTS ARE DARK!
BECK IS JUST A MAN. JUST LIKE YOU OR ME.
I AM SURE HE GET'S DOWN, HE BREAKS UNDER THE PRESSURE
JUST LIKE YOU AND I DO, ONLY WHEN HE DOES WE SHOUT IT
FROM THE ROOF TOP.
Long ago someone said something about pulling out the plank in your own eye before we nail others up on the tree. That idea could go along way if anyone lived it today.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
I confess...
I confess, I don't feel as dark as this web site expresses. With the drap tones of blue and black what I am I saying? With the occasional low-bloughs to the church and other "Christians" you'd think I was really low myself. But...
Maybe it's the weather or maybe,
I really am feeling bettter.
Time will talk and tell the tale,
Better than these guesses here.
Either way I am still gonna speak in April here at the church about being a skeptic. I think I'll focus on Thomas' story and his own skepticism. Feel free to join me in this by sharing your angles on doubt and being skeptic. Don't hestitate.
check this out!
Check out this link to the Lord's prayer.
Pretty cool! Yes Amen! Jesus be free among us! Teach us, tame our wandering hearts, let us love you, let us fully give you voice in world, let us realize your kingdom.
