'I must be an acrobat, to talk like this and act like that...' -Actung Baby,U2
I am Jacob Bailey. I have been writing here for a while now. I am 27 years old, on the brink of moving to Spain. I love my wife and two beautiful children. Glad you stopped by - please let me know you were here by posting a comment.
leading with QUESTIONS
Thursday, October 30, 2003
uuhhggghhh
workin' too hard on a communion meditation for Sunday. I don't know why with these things I always feel like I need do the best job anyone could ever possibly do in the entire history of Jesus' church...what is that about?? I'll be en route for Asia next week at this time!! Yikes!! I'm practicing tonight with DH and our wives at the Thai Garden in Olympia. I love thai food - but I don't know about 3 times a day for 7 days...Looking forward to the adventure.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
jesus
I discovered some snap shots of Jesus from "the Passion." I hope to use some of the images for a communion meditation Sunday. Pan down on the page and make sure you stop for a moment and look at the close up of his eyes. There is something very powerful being portrayed here. Go Mel!!!!
Monday, October 27, 2003
Autum Colors at Discovery Bay
Returned yesterday from a weekend up on the Olympic Penninsula - at Discovery Bay.
It was beautiful. The falls colors were loud and the weather was perfectly crisp but sunny. In the afternoons as the sun would fall the light would become sharp and the feeling was almost surreal.
We got away with about 13 from our cell group community. It was very enjoyable. Low on drama - high on real friendships. During the course of our stay at some point I opened my bible and found myself staring in disbelief at Psalm 13. It pinpoints me and calls me to an honest and searching prayer. I thought I would share that now:
Psalms 13
13:1 For the choir director: A psalm of David.
O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O LORD my God!
Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!"
Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the LORD
because he has been so good to me.
NLT
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I am stessed out and inwardly burdened - but I will trust the Lord.
I may fail yet his love will never.
I may fall into a trap yet he will rescue me.
The day will come soon when I will sing for goodness of the Lord I will know!
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Counting Crows
"It's rain'n in Washington baby...everything else is the same..."
Sometimes the rain feels soooo gooood!!!!!! You almost want to rip open your chest and let the cold drops hit your soul.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
life is so crazy. I was "doing ministry" today, just hangin' out with a troubled friend of mine, when I realized..."don't think of the right thing to say or do...just be with him!" So that's what I tried to do. Kill the "but what if's..." and "just be."
The cool thing was that God did his thing. I stepped out of the way and he stepped in and did his thing. I wonder how often "in ministry" we control and limit over and over again what God is trying to do by simply trying too hard. I wonder if it would do more good for the person (and the Kingdom as well) if we simply took aim to "be with people." Am I off base???
Monday, October 20, 2003
A knock on the door. That was it. He was home. Home? We've got nowhere else to go. Why are you here and who's that? A young immature blonde girl stands lamely beside him. Aren't you supposed to be in school? You only had one semester left then graduation? Home? Why are you here? Pockets empty, penniless, a pure bred dog for her that's all. Where's all your stuff? Everything's sold, exchanged for gas to get here. And who's that? I love her, we're living together. You're what? I raised you for this? I thought you knew? What about your sister? What will she think? We've got nowhere else to go. What will people think? How can we do this? We've got nowhere else to go. How can we go to church with you two? We've got nowhere else to go.
...while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
There is something about being true to your position in time/space. I find myself asking alot lately "Am I fully here(time/space place) right now or not?" The resounding answer is too often "Nope."
That's my point of "unlikeness" to Christ that I am wrestling with. So here I am...It's 11:10am, I am in my office at Neighborhood Alliance Church, Lacey WA. Am I fully here or do I keep trying to be elsewhere? If I continue to blog that means I am not here...
Lord help me be fully here/now.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
My wife and I talked about big things late into the night as our tire pounded deeper grooves into the I5 concrete all to the rythms of coldplay echoing in the background. WE are home now. She's beautiful here she comes now I must go...
Friday, October 17, 2003
Just haning out in Redding CA. This is the place it all began you know? Ok well maybe not all it began here but most of it in any case! Tania and I drove through the night on Wednesday and ended up down here. Sort of a family thing. My brother Jim was invited back to Simpson College (which is truly Ironic!) to speak at "10 years of summer ministries" thing. My mom and dad were here and also my sister and her husband and their son Issac. It has been good to be together. I do find it difficcult though. It's like I need more time to truly connect with them and be fully present with them. Maybe its how God made me or simply who I am at this single point in my life. It has always taken me longer (amount of time) to really connect relationally with people. Plus it's family, you always imagine it will be easy and then...it just isn't. BUt I truly love them all and wouldn't ask God in a million years for anyone different. The Lord be with them (some of them) as they travel today...
This morning we attended a chapel service and visited with many "old" friends and x-classates. That was special. Faces I'll never forget. Moments with them in God's presence I will always remember. Here I am forced to remember the past and then call up and explain the present and hint at the future. In all of this i consider the journey. God has been faithful to me and family. Of course he has...sometimes I wonder why we wonder.
Still feeling strange...these new places I find myself. At times its scary, sometimes lonely, sometimes exciting, you know the stuff of life. Trying to find this real person inside. Trying not to fumble the gospel. Anthems come and carry me along, one of which is Somewhere I Belong.
A friend helped me identify where I am at a while back. He said it sounded like I was at the place where I was trying to figure out how I know that I am His. For some reason I haven't been able to face the quesiton. I don't know how. Just trying to keep walking. Keep moving...that what you must do when it's so cold, much much too cold to stop. That's what you must do even when your tired. Just continue. Stop reasoning and walk. Quit worrying and be. To leave questions unanswered and knot's untied and painting unfinished. Maybe it's something like trust...
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Grace used to be for me simply one more of those good Christian words that speaks to part of the Christian faith. But I have come and been coming to realize that Grace stands alone. Grace stands beyond. Grace is central to our Christian story. Grace is central for the church. Grace is central for you and I in our journeys with Christ. Grace is the light that shines in the darkness. Grace is the man that endured the cross. Grace is the God that threw in the towel on sin and death. Grace is it. It is our challenge to be Grace to a broken world - grace on the level of the Grace that's been given to us.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
I fear I am too gifted at tearing the church down, critizing it, and picking it apart. I fear that my efforts to build it up in love are often times pointless...
Don't worry I am not depressed. Just thinking things through.
I am working on a retreat that our church will be offering in December. The focus of this retreat is "The Journey" as a metaphor for spiritual formation. Mulholland's book has really been shaping some of my thoughts. He has tapped on something freeing and releasing and even downright scary about our relationship with Christ. Talking about being conformed to the image of Christ he says,
"The difference between conforming ourselves and being conformed is the vital issue of control."
This is so true. We hate to feel out of control. Yet being out of control beckons us in deep places to trust Him.
Monday, October 13, 2003
“When spirituality is viewed as a journey, however, the way to spiritual wholeness is seen to lie in an increasingly faithful response to the One whose purpose shapes our path, whose grace redeems our detours, whose power liberates us from crippling bondages of the prior journey and whose transforming presence meets us at each turn in the road. In other words, holistic spirituality is a pilgrimage of deepening responsiveness to God’s control of our life and being.”
From Invitation to a Journey by Robert Mullholland
What a beautiful description of Spiritual Formation. What a picture of following Christ. Awesome!!
AAhhh!!! That feels better. Just messing with my template this morning. More thoughts to come later today...but i have to get to work! I am a slacker... in case you haven't noticed.
Totally challenged and encouraged by a friend's blog from October 10. Thanks Dwight for the encouraging word. It caused me to change my approach to "Sundays."
Thursday, October 09, 2003
A friend and Christian brother of mine emailed me and today I responded with the following:
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You said below that "...as long as our convictions and beliefs are verified by Scripture, why worry about what others think?" Here's the rub with that statement. It splinters the unity of the church and destroys the message of the gospel.
1. Jesus prayed for the unity or "oneness" of all those who would follow him as a result of the witness of the original disciples. That's you and me man (John 17).
2. When we look around and see numerous factions and divisions in the church and not one of them saying the same thing about the gospel or even the Savior then we have good reason to worry. Our efforts to (over) interpret and (over) explain the Scriptures have led to the break down of a singular real story that the "world" can understand and do something (become Christ followers) with. Our debate about the "message" (the gospel) is communicating to the world a "message" that isn't the gospel.
How can any of us who have come to specific convictions and beliefs know for sure that our individual interpretations of the scripture are right? Isn’t that notion a bit individualistic? What ever happened to mystery? Now I haven't thrown out scripture, in fact I read the word today. But instead of looking for answers that'll help me justify my position, I was looking for a singular story that might change my life.
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I know it is unrefined and not to well thought out. But hey, it just spilled out. I enjoyed listening to the heart of Erwin McManus the past couple of days as he joined us (pastors of the PNW - alliance) at District Conference. I was encouraged and challenged in many ways. It was his heart for the lost and the church, his openess to taking great risks...
But I discovered in myself while we at the conference a missing peice. I mentioned above something about finding a singular story that might just change my life. Either I have lost it... or I never fully had it... or the pieces just haven't come together right..or the mosaic has fallen apart...but in any case I am still searching...
jlb
Monday, October 06, 2003
It's Monday. Survived the weekend oK. The best part was seeing the inside of our new office come together. We bought a desk at IKEA and a bookshelf too. Then we spent all Friday and Saturday setting it up and getting the computer up etc...
I hope to be blogging from home soon! (First I have to rebuild my computer!)
On I-5 to Portland today. The PNW District Conference starts this evening. Looking forward to connecting with friends down there.
Blah, blah, blah, it's a good thing I am not getting grade for this weblog!? thats it...
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
26 already? Sh**! Where's it going (my life)??
I did lunch with a good friend today. By God's grace we moved closer toward authenticity in relationship. Incredible how difficult it is to do this. Our North American life, not to mention mailine evangelical habbits, war against this way of living.
too much caffine...can't focus...
jlb
