Just haning out in Redding CA. This is the place it all began you know? Ok well maybe not all it began here but most of it in any case! Tania and I drove through the night on Wednesday and ended up down here. Sort of a family thing. My brother Jim was invited back to Simpson College (which is truly Ironic!) to speak at "10 years of summer ministries" thing. My mom and dad were here and also my sister and her husband and their son Issac. It has been good to be together. I do find it difficcult though. It's like I need more time to truly connect with them and be fully present with them. Maybe its how God made me or simply who I am at this single point in my life. It has always taken me longer (amount of time) to really connect relationally with people. Plus it's family, you always imagine it will be easy and then...it just isn't. BUt I truly love them all and wouldn't ask God in a million years for anyone different. The Lord be with them (some of them) as they travel today...

This morning we attended a chapel service and visited with many "old" friends and x-classates. That was special. Faces I'll never forget. Moments with them in God's presence I will always remember. Here I am forced to remember the past and then call up and explain the present and hint at the future. In all of this i consider the journey. God has been faithful to me and family. Of course he has...sometimes I wonder why we wonder.

Still feeling strange...these new places I find myself. At times its scary, sometimes lonely, sometimes exciting, you know the stuff of life. Trying to find this real person inside. Trying not to fumble the gospel. Anthems come and carry me along, one of which is Somewhere I Belong.

A friend helped me identify where I am at a while back. He said it sounded like I was at the place where I was trying to figure out how I know that I am His. For some reason I haven't been able to face the quesiton. I don't know how. Just trying to keep walking. Keep moving...that what you must do when it's so cold, much much too cold to stop. That's what you must do even when your tired. Just continue. Stop reasoning and walk. Quit worrying and be. To leave questions unanswered and knot's untied and painting unfinished. Maybe it's something like trust...


- posted by Jacob B. @ 2:31 PM