'I must be an acrobat, to talk like this and act like that...' -Actung Baby,U2
I am Jacob Bailey. I have been writing here for a while now. I am 27 years old, on the brink of moving to Spain. I love my wife and two beautiful children. Glad you stopped by - please let me know you were here by posting a comment.
leading with QUESTIONS
Monday, April 04, 2005
Why I love Hummers (April fools!) so much
Hummer hybrid a slightly less socially irresponsible status symbol
With the introduction of its new gas/electric hybrid, Hummer hopes to reach the niche market of motorists who want to appear concerned about the environment, but for whom the popular Toyota Prius just doesn't turn enough heads with its sedan body and measly $20,000 MSRP. The $60,000 Hummer Laverde (a contraction of the Spanish words lava and verde, literally meaning "green-wash") will go three times farther on a single fill-up than previous Hummers - due mostly to a far larger gas tank - while its advanced hybrid technology gets twice the mileage of behemoth SUV competitor Ford Excursion at two miles per gallon highway, zero city. (Because two times zero is still zero.)
Option packages include advanced armor plating unavailable even to U.S. troops in Iraq. Though the armor's weight nullifies the hybrid's added fuel economy, you're assured that in a collision your load of overpriced organic groceries will remain unscathed - unlike the driver of the Mazda Miata you just backed over in the Whole Foods parking lot, who will require reconstructive surgery and lifetime of rehab.
In a limited-time offer intended to boost initial sales, your first tank of gas will come from pristine petroleum drilled in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and your first 100 kilowatt-hours will come from "clean coal" power plants. "We hope the Laverde will be more popular and less of a transparent PR stunt than our hydrogen-powered H2H model" said Elizabeth Lowery, GM Vice President of Environment and Energy. The H2H was unavailable for public sale but given as a gift to actor and muscle-man Arnold Schwarzenegger - who is also governor of California - no kidding.
(this great satire was pulled from www.sojo.net - great site I get there free weekly emailings.)
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