back in 2000 sometime...
Back in 2000 sometime I wrote out this dark prayer...I just rediscovered it today. It kind of surprized me. I mean...I didn't know that back then (5 years ago) I was asking these questions...anyway. I think today my questions are more open and I let them come out...back then I would have never shared this with anyone. But I thought I should capture it here in it's raw, unfriendly state. I hope you can get beyond some of the churchy phrases and references and hear me in my context back then:



What do I have to say to you
It could be this it could be that
How am I supposed to know?

I don't feel this is working
It's just a conversation with myself
an empty echo of my brain.

There is nothing in it - where are you?
My God, my Savior, my sanctifieing king
Of whom and in whom I claim to live
Where do you hide?

Is it in my heart so hard to feel?
So illusive is the voice that speaks
From there. I say I know
But do I know you Lord? Why is it
That I do so toil to end up without you?

Do I simply lack the prayers
The answers, the actions too?
The place, the place you met there
But now I seem to've lost the map.

Stillness and quiet is where you lie
beneath life's business. I found you
there that once. You spoke. I broke.
We wept. But why not daily oh Lord?

It's my desire --> I can't find the way...
Does it come from you or me
I don't know...


- posted by Jacob B. @ 3:15 PM