gentle savior
fighting off a cold today so my body feels a bit like I am floating around in the clouds. (thanks to theraflu...!) what to say...what to say...what to say...

often I like to write what I feel. But...relecting on feelings is so...well, impulsive and out of balance. Up and down, left and right...all over the place really. I desire to write from the heart. Yah, but what does that mean? "the heart" - dwelling place of purity and filth, Christ and crap, both temple and toilet at the same time. reflected in my writing...I think so.

"Don't worry about tomorrow..." the words of Christ to me today. Today, what about today. Well I am disgusted with my impatience with my son...somehow he taps on my not so holy heart places. He draws out ugly stuff from me...and my greatest fear...he feels the weight of my garbage...is he having to cope with tempermental daddy at age 4? Is he discovering lifelong destructive coping mechanisms for how to deal with his dad that will cause him trouble and great grief down the road? These thought haunt me today. I can't help but think so...can I preserve him from this...save him from his own dad...somehow...I wish and in that wish acknoweledge both truthful yes and no.

I need help. I need salvation. I need my savior today...yes the one who is gentle and humble in heart...oh Jesus I need you today...come and replace my anxt with your costly love...I so need you to fill dark spaces and illluminate dark places....Light and Life come to me this day....




- posted by Jacob B. @ 3:53 PM